Union with my God

The room echoed with the most beautiful and lilting voice, and my senses became to frail to resist it.
I just went inside and and to my unconscious self my body began to communicate with the soothing voice and the music in the background rose just then I felt a jolt as if someone just pulled me and clasped me tight. I felt a touch, someone trailed its fingers on my arms and just then the music was at its crescendo. I evolved with every beat and to that presence I had completely surrendered myself to him. I was in a different world. And as the wind blew I felt his breath against my neck and I was aroused. I embraced it tight and with the music i moved with him. We swayed in happiness and danced gay abandoned. Suddenly he let me free and I was like a carefree teenager exploring the woods. The woods were dense and air of rejuvenation wafted it. Then came a meadow where I see him again with his hands wide open welcoming me I ran and he lifted me. Against the gravity I was, like an amateur dancer I glided over his shoulder and suddenly he overpowered me. But this was the first time I was enjoying my defeat. He was all over me... And just the time we were about to get one I felt so complete... We were in sync, we were together. The bliss achieved was unsurpassed. The most contended smile suffused my face. I so desperately wished the time to freeze and I could hold this moment forever. Like a greedy child I wanted more and more of it. I was so away from temptations and materialism yet so close to it. I was thrilled when I heard the same music again and he was too wiling to make me experience the beyond.
And that very instance I heard a thud and it was pitch dark. And to my surprise I realize that the session is over and I'm back to class. This is the bliss of dance and I achieved multiple orgasms in that dance session and enjoyed my womanhood. It was my intercourse of soul with my passion. I'm still not over it my knees shiver still and my heart longs for it even more.

After eons of my existence in this world I'm accepting few deniable bitter facts of life... It hurts me to the core and my soul bleeds every time I'm reminded of it.
You come alone in this petty world and die alone. You were just a mass of flesh which was given a shape just like a potter giving shape to its terracotta vessels... and you you go in the same... Former people rejoiced your life and latter they grief it.
Its in this world we build relations. We have friends, family and foes all kins and acquaintances are just a typical criteria to be a part of the world and hunger of a homo sapien to be called a social animal. Among so many animals I saw and know its only the humans who are the most hungry of all be it power, position, status. Lust and libido comes handy... He wants it all by hook or by crook...
Through words or swords a duel or an ambush...
cheat and deceit are the new accessories he adorns.
And this so called impressive pseudo aura around oneself just to trap your favorite muse for you own vested interest and stab it till that muse has lost all his charm and is no less but a zombie, emotions killed, aspiration buried, vision hollowed and a crushed heart...
GOSH!!! How gory the sight is I can bare no more.
Only to fulfill and quench the thirst of power, position and...
But in this arena where we fight like fanatic soldiers we forget that in the end "Moksha" will triumph and place where none of the worldly pleasures are allowed. Then why do we indulge in this mortal combat because ultimately where all and sundry will proceed is a place where you will just be hailed as a dead soul. You will not be ranked by your past worldly laurels. A ill-clad beggar and a rich will be sharing the same place.
I envy the hermit I saw the other day he was so free no worry no tension occupied him...I envy his vision he was not tied to the world with realtions and social nity grities. I wonder how happily will he leave the world with nothing to brood over, none to regret, nothing undone. And he will attain the ultimate eternal peace just with his doings"karmas" which he did alone and for himself.
I envy the lions cub who was tamed by its mother to live alone bare the loneliness of a friendless life will never bug him. He will never feel too vulnerable as the father lion was never there to protect him.
I at times feel so scared of loosing my possessions not the ones which I bought but my F.R.I.E.N.D.S, my family, varios other ties my proximties with people. My memories of hugging my friends for the first time are still freash.
My first kiss to my love, my first embrace to my mom... My first handshake, my first dance are so fresh in my mind...
How can I let it go?
How will I forget them?
And this is the reason I fear to go
death is not as inviting as this world is yet...

WOMEN'S DAY!!!

Happy Women's Day
I see newspapers flooded with articles, visuals, features celebrating women. I tuned into radio just to listen to the same scenario. Television following the suite. Being from venus myself and a woman by genes and chromosomal configurations...I believe a day is just not enough to celebrate and praise...nothing can fill up for the eons of injustice, brutality, drudgery to the fairer sex. Going through the pages of "The Times Of India" The entire copy is full of leading female personality from Shobha De to Vandana Luthra. But somehow I can't forget the recent rapes that 'she' suffered, 'she' was beaten in pubs, 'she' was kidnapped, murdered, abused, assualted...the memories vividly etch in my mind when 'she' was beaten and brunt alive for dowry. I remember times when 'she' was hassarred and molested in public and nudged on roadside. I recall times when newspapers were thronged with aashiana rape case series. I remember Jessica Lal, Meher Bhargava, Arushi and so many many other. The entire scandal of female infanticide and female feotusicide flashed upon my inward eye. And today 8th March all talk to great women and their acheivements and their equality with men...Today the monopolist bearers of womb are praised to bring life in the world in the form of a child. But that very womb is cursed and abused when a womb bornes a baby girl. One day is not enough to celebrate her...A day is not enough to fist all what has she done in the world. 'She' is a celebration of a life time. Cherish her. And make each day a WOMEN'S DAY!!!

I thought I have moved on...It was all so superfical, But I'm still there too lame and weak.
I feel too crippled and trampled to walk ahead.

After almost 14 years finally my school life has ended. And it has made me a woman enough to face the real world(ironical for I feel I'm still not ready for it) This august 2008 I began my college not very happy since I had different plans for myself but I was ready to move on(how superfical).
Since then its been 8 months and life life has been a accepted struggle...More than college I spent time in auto just going to college and coming back. Its just me and that small dingy auto and the driver and everyday I have to share it with others who hire the auto just like me (bliss of being born in a middle class family) My life is about how unwillingly I have to date that auto driver and ladies and not so gentlemen rugged guys. Dust and pollution accompany me wherever I go and like a mum spectator I sit in one corner and see the world around me moving...That 25 minutes of journey everyday is the most integral part of my life.
I see a lot and hear alot I observe how people work to make a living rikshaw pullers, buses a total hustle bustle. The whole picture was unbearable when I saw a young women poverty stricken ill clad was feeding a mal nourished children on the road side. It hurts me to see the plight of children who are supposedly said to be as the future of India. At every forway people get off and get on the auto from dismayed labourers to young men with CV's in hand and dreams in eyes sit beside me only to find a job in this recession stricken nation. The most striking feature is that how willing we are ready to share our space with a stranger. All sit quite, not bothered about each other the destination is the sole aim.
I see slew of cars and bikes past by my auto(its not the possession of auto I'm talking about) and how a newly wed couple on the same auto looks at it the eyes show the inpisration and aspiration to have it. I see a dream in their eyes a desire to possess a better future which (thanks to globalization and our consumeristic nature) comes from all the materialistic stuff in the world.
My collegues or fellowmen( the people who share auto with me) come in various moods I see joy, love , hatred, rejection, acceptance, dejection. All of it the ride is a whirlpool of emotions. Its all about pace and how our lives are connected to them.
"AND YOU PEOPLE TALK ABOUT LIFE IN A METRO"

A Road to Nowhere

The journey called life has just begin, it was today that I am finally ready to embark upon this not so beautiful journey. My bubble of whims and fancies had been pricked and and is gone leaving to nude to the ruthless and cold world. The adventures of life had begun.
I like an amateur juggler try to catch every move that ball of treachery and fakeness make, but in vain the perils of it are too new for me. My first glimpse of this world is a hallway followed by a two way staircase... I see the two ends one going to Saint Peter's in heaven and the other is Satan's territory in hell.
The hallway is most aesthetically interiored and beautiful aroma wafts in the air. I see people most beautiful and suave. The ambiance is so pure a soft smile has suffused my face and I like a robin has a swollen bossom stand in the middle of the hall.
The people welcomed me with open arms made me feel desirous and wanted. As my gumption of friendship is too pure and is a means of livelihood, I felt so contended and satisfied. What more can I ask for? There was harmony and peace, rapport that none had seen camaraderie that none had ever felt.
I met people good and great. With great knowledge, enlightened and illuminated.
I was a dream come true...We worked all day and night, shared philosophies and various school of thought. I was so elated to find a world outside my world, a home within a home. I was not nude anymore people wrapped themselves around me but I still wasn't ripe. I was waiting for my own skin. I was so engrossed learning and witnessing new things that never made me think otherwise.
But as time was passing so were others and as we all know a change is constant and suddenly i felt a change... The hallway is no more beautifully interiored instead of flowers and garland it is covered with wreaths and weeds. The aroma is gone a dirty stench fills the place. The people are not amiable anymore, the calmness and tranquility void. The mirror of deception is shattered as they all unmask themselves only to make me see their sly eyes and cunning moves, there treacherous smile and their fake personality.
The moment I realized that I was in a wrong territory I felt a hard blow on my back excruciating pain made me numb and its too late to recover the harm is done and the bird is killed. My wings were clipped and trampled. I was a little awake only to see the broad and victorious smile on their face. The hallway no more exists its just a dense forest with dried trees and deadly and poisonous weeds and creepers. I see no being around me not even rats I'm totally stranded and lost! My wounds are too fresh the blood is still wet, my bones are injured and spine broken.
I stand there with none around me my old friends are unaware and the new are not bothered. Only thing that makes me move on is hope and that ray of light which tells me that all is going to be alright.........With a lump in my throat and with a heavy heart I end it as a bad memory which will fade soon.

When I embarked upon this journey of blogging, my few of my favorites who viewed it announced it to be too dark and too negative. To some extent I agree to it. As I started it on a dark note but I was convinced that, there is no negative and positive when it comes to quenching ones soul. I was encouraged by few and discouraged by many...
Not that I should quit writing, but I should give up my panache of writing!
I was too adamant to find the folly behind it. And investigate the reason why my concepts were condemned(Its just poetic license I imply to use a word as strong as this).
I rummaged my mind and knocked my heart to find answers to it. You can call it my defense mechanism or just my refusal to change as of now...
I realized the most beautiful things we get are an outcome of the darkness...
It was the dark of barbarism that we got the light of knowledge.
It was the wrath of Ravan that we got Ram the 'Mariyada Purushottam'. It was the menace of Mahabharat that we have Bhagvat Geeta and lord Krishna. Making the Indian scriptures rare and most worthy.
Leaving aside the past scenario I found God's greatest creation 'Human' came from the womb of the mother which is dark inside...It is the darkness of night which gives us the broad daylight. Then why do people talk of heights when we can explore the deapths and both are measured in feets and inches.[;)] Then why do we always talk of Mt.Everest when we have the Marina trench as well.
I don't know how far I'm able to create an impact and help my readers understand what I feel about it. I choose the dark roads to tread and make my path towards light...And the quest continues!!!