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Happy Women's Day
I see newspapers flooded with articles, visuals, features celebrating women. I tuned into radio just to listen to the same scenario. Television following the suite. Being from venus myself and a woman by genes and chromosomal configurations...I believe a day is just not enough to celebrate and praise...nothing can fill up for the eons of injustice, brutality, drudgery to the fairer sex. Going through the pages of "The Times Of India" The entire copy is full of leading female personality from Shobha De to Vandana Luthra. But somehow I can't forget the recent rapes that 'she' suffered, 'she' was beaten in pubs, 'she' was kidnapped, murdered, abused, assualted...the memories vividly etch in my mind when 'she' was beaten and brunt alive for dowry. I remember times when 'she' was hassarred and molested in public and nudged on roadside. I recall times when newspapers were thronged with aashiana rape case series. I remember Jessica Lal, Meher Bhargava, Arushi and so many many other. The entire scandal of female infanticide and female feotusicide flashed upon my inward eye. And today 8th March all talk to great women and their acheivements and their equality with men...Today the monopolist bearers of womb are praised to bring life in the world in the form of a child. But that very womb is cursed and abused when a womb bornes a baby girl. One day is not enough to celebrate her...A day is not enough to fist all what has she done in the world. 'She' is a celebration of a life time. Cherish her. And make each day a WOMEN'S DAY!!!
I thought I have moved on...It was all so superfical, But I'm still there too lame and weak.
I feel too crippled and trampled to walk ahead.
After almost 14 years finally my school life has ended. And it has made me a woman enough to face the real world(ironical for I feel I'm still not ready for it) This august 2008 I began my college not very happy since I had different plans for myself but I was ready to move on(how superfical).
Since then its been 8 months and life life has been a accepted struggle...More than college I spent time in auto just going to college and coming back. Its just me and that small dingy auto and the driver and everyday I have to share it with others who hire the auto just like me (bliss of being born in a middle class family) My life is about how unwillingly I have to date that auto driver and ladies and not so gentlemen rugged guys. Dust and pollution accompany me wherever I go and like a mum spectator I sit in one corner and see the world around me moving...That 25 minutes of journey everyday is the most integral part of my life.
I see a lot and hear alot I observe how people work to make a living rikshaw pullers, buses a total hustle bustle. The whole picture was unbearable when I saw a young women poverty stricken ill clad was feeding a mal nourished children on the road side. It hurts me to see the plight of children who are supposedly said to be as the future of India. At every forway people get off and get on the auto from dismayed labourers to young men with CV's in hand and dreams in eyes sit beside me only to find a job in this recession stricken nation. The most striking feature is that how willing we are ready to share our space with a stranger. All sit quite, not bothered about each other the destination is the sole aim.
I see slew of cars and bikes past by my auto(its not the possession of auto I'm talking about) and how a newly wed couple on the same auto looks at it the eyes show the inpisration and aspiration to have it. I see a dream in their eyes a desire to possess a better future which (thanks to globalization and our consumeristic nature) comes from all the materialistic stuff in the world.
My collegues or fellowmen( the people who share auto with me) come in various moods I see joy, love , hatred, rejection, acceptance, dejection. All of it the ride is a whirlpool of emotions. Its all about pace and how our lives are connected to them.
"AND YOU PEOPLE TALK ABOUT LIFE IN A METRO"
The journey called life has just begin, it was today that I am finally ready to embark upon this not so beautiful journey. My bubble of whims and fancies had been pricked and and is gone leaving to nude to the ruthless and cold world. The adventures of life had begun.
I like an amateur juggler try to catch every move that ball of treachery and fakeness make, but in vain the perils of it are too new for me. My first glimpse of this world is a hallway followed by a two way staircase... I see the two ends one going to Saint Peter's in heaven and the other is Satan's territory in hell.
The hallway is most aesthetically interiored and beautiful aroma wafts in the air. I see people most beautiful and suave. The ambiance is so pure a soft smile has suffused my face and I like a robin has a swollen bossom stand in the middle of the hall.
The people welcomed me with open arms made me feel desirous and wanted. As my gumption of friendship is too pure and is a means of livelihood, I felt so contended and satisfied. What more can I ask for? There was harmony and peace, rapport that none had seen camaraderie that none had ever felt.
I met people good and great. With great knowledge, enlightened and illuminated.
I was a dream come true...We worked all day and night, shared philosophies and various school of thought. I was so elated to find a world outside my world, a home within a home. I was not nude anymore people wrapped themselves around me but I still wasn't ripe. I was waiting for my own skin. I was so engrossed learning and witnessing new things that never made me think otherwise.
But as time was passing so were others and as we all know a change is constant and suddenly i felt a change... The hallway is no more beautifully interiored instead of flowers and garland it is covered with wreaths and weeds. The aroma is gone a dirty stench fills the place. The people are not amiable anymore, the calmness and tranquility void. The mirror of deception is shattered as they all unmask themselves only to make me see their sly eyes and cunning moves, there treacherous smile and their fake personality.
The moment I realized that I was in a wrong territory I felt a hard blow on my back excruciating pain made me numb and its too late to recover the harm is done and the bird is killed. My wings were clipped and trampled. I was a little awake only to see the broad and victorious smile on their face. The hallway no more exists its just a dense forest with dried trees and deadly and poisonous weeds and creepers. I see no being around me not even rats I'm totally stranded and lost! My wounds are too fresh the blood is still wet, my bones are injured and spine broken.
I stand there with none around me my old friends are unaware and the new are not bothered. Only thing that makes me move on is hope and that ray of light which tells me that all is going to be alright.........With a lump in my throat and with a heavy heart I end it as a bad memory which will fade soon.
When I embarked upon this journey of blogging, my few of my favorites who viewed it announced it to be too dark and too negative. To some extent I agree to it. As I started it on a dark note but I was convinced that, there is no negative and positive when it comes to quenching ones soul. I was encouraged by few and discouraged by many...
Not that I should quit writing, but I should give up my panache of writing!
I was too adamant to find the folly behind it. And investigate the reason why my concepts were condemned(Its just poetic license I imply to use a word as strong as this).
I rummaged my mind and knocked my heart to find answers to it. You can call it my defense mechanism or just my refusal to change as of now...
I realized the most beautiful things we get are an outcome of the darkness...
It was the dark of barbarism that we got the light of knowledge.
It was the wrath of Ravan that we got Ram the 'Mariyada Purushottam'. It was the menace of Mahabharat that we have Bhagvat Geeta and lord Krishna. Making the Indian scriptures rare and most worthy.
Leaving aside the past scenario I found God's greatest creation 'Human' came from the womb of the mother which is dark inside...It is the darkness of night which gives us the broad daylight. Then why do people talk of heights when we can explore the deapths and both are measured in feets and inches.[;)] Then why do we always talk of Mt.Everest when we have the Marina trench as well.
I don't know how far I'm able to create an impact and help my readers understand what I feel about it. I choose the dark roads to tread and make my path towards light...And the quest continues!!!
With my knees folded my hands wrapped around my knees. My face dug inside I refuse to see the world. I am too scared facing it... I hear screams I hear loud guffaws of people. Once I cried just to see no one comes to pacify you. Once I opened my hands for help only to find that they were crucified like Jesus.
My body is modeled in wax and clay I look gray and gaunter than ever. My eyes are just so dry...
I cry no more
I sing more
Just like dried water tears have made marks on my cheeks. I barely sulk, my Adam's apples is chocked and refuse to gulp in the pains of life. Suddenly I had the most blissful smile on my face. An instant tranquility caressed me. I was rejuvenated enough to see the world around me again. It was too late but it was a new beginning.
I saw the death approaching not like a black demon with a axe in hand. A beautiful lady in white drapes welcoming me with open arms. That very instance I heard a voice in me, it said,
" I come here not to detach you from the material world but have come to take you to the world of higher pleasures"
A warm smile suffused my face and my last breath only to leave my body cold and rigid.
I was soul without a body,
the essence of calmness and neutrality was achieved.
Suddenly I felt the imaginary cell of relations, repercussions and relativity vanished.
I was free
I flew high raced the clouds. Explored the skies, I was there limiting the limitless.
I had no fears, I had become as daring as a lion's cub and as untamed as its mane.
I swam with the dauntless tides and danced with the waves. I was as silent as the sea yet so restless and fickle as a mice.
I was as deep as the marina trench only to know the dark in me.
I never felt so invigorated and energized.
People prayed for my survival but I enjoy my departure.
Not in search of another soul and flesh bonding.
But to remain a vagabond and enjoy my soul"hood" without a life.
It was a May summer the sun was bright and was enjoying his dominance over all and sundry. He got a kick when he saw the animals running for shelter. And social animals sweating like a horse.
It was mid day hot and windy, the birds flew back to their nests. Dogs lay on the neighbor's wet grass with lolling tongues. Cows grazing the a parched land with scanty grass nearby. Tired crows sat on their backs and feasted on ticks and maggots. The cows were to lazy to mind. Dullness and the scorching heat engulfed all.
Except me...I was filled with anticipation and excitement. I felt an adrenal rush in my body, heart racing, beads of perspiration glistened on my forehead. Continuous walking made my legs pain. I sat on a hot iron bench my senses were so weakened right now. My heart and soul was focused just on her.
Finally the time has arrived and my most awaited gift came into this world. Ironically the mother died soon after she delivered. There were four of them only she survived.
At that time I was so overwhelmed that, I was oblivious to the sun, the heat, everything.
Its the first time I took her in my arms, the touch made an instant connection.
I looked into her eyes they were closed yet we made an instant affection.
Suddenly I felt something strange a feeling never felt! I brought her home knowing she would be unwanted and abandoned. I was determined to make her life normal like any other. I will fight back for her. Give her the best!
Now I know the feeling that I had when I took her in my arms that day. A mother was born in me. I felt like its a part of me and I can't let her go. First time my eyes welded with tears of happiness and rolled down my cheeks. The tear fell on her eyes and she opened her eyes after two weeks.
I was in an ecstasy of joy... She had the most beautiful eyes I ever saw. The most soulful which I have ever felt. My face was illumined with a smile and seeing at her demeanor I can tell that she was smiling back at me.
I saw a new world in her our rapport and camaraderie was beyond normal human understanding.
She was the most beautiful thing I ever saw...Big colirrium eyes. Fur as white as ice and as rich and rare as ivory. A ebony patch laced her neck like a cravat. I was floored by her gait. Her elegance and grace were worth marveling. The poise with which she carried herself was spellbinding. As time passed we had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun. I always wished that it remains as sunny as this and the clouds never engulf it.
Since then there was no looking back each the bonds grew stronger I loved her even more and she was insane about me. We played ran helter skelter. Always giving each other a chance to win. Oh! it was lovely and lively. I remember how she used to wait for me at the doorstep and greeted me with open arms and a twinkle in the eyes. She fathomed my every emotion every move. Nobody has been as understanding as she was.
She was the first to make me feel special when I felt dejected.
Invigourated me when I was completly exhausted.
Enlightened me when I was dark with negative thoughts.
Helped me cope when I had lost hopes.
Heard my voice even when I was mum.
I love her so much!
We liked similar kind of music as I swayed on them she simply wagged.
If I was right she was left! But we always met.
At night none speak I lay on my bed and she on my lap. Seeing the stars and talking to the moon we dozed off everyday. Life was so smooth and I was loving each day with her.
But it was yesterday I woke up in the morning only to find her dead. She did not move this time nor did she woke up early and teased me with her cold wet nose. She was gone forever never to come back again. I never felt so devastated and destroyed. I felt a wrenching pain as if someone ripped my heart. The mother in me was killed.
Today was her 8th birthday and she left us a day before.My most priced possession was gone. The journey with her was the most adventurous and enriching.
I know you will find this very funny and cynical but indeed its true...She was my pet, my dog CANDY.
I love you and I miss you are too trivial to express how this lose has affected me. None can heal it ever. None can take that place that you had in my life.
Oh! what days...I will cherish them always and relish the sweet memories etched in my heart. 
I love you so much. You are always in my thoughts so missing you is beyond question. My eyes are moist and hands are numb voice chokes just to think you are gone and dead!The journey still continues but I have none to hold onto. None to look back to. None to wait for. But I know where ever you are,you are always with me.
The journey is the same but paths are different.
Happy Women's Day
